Immanual Kant was a real pissant
      Who was very rarely stable

    Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
      Who could think you under the table

    David Hume could out consume
      Schopenhauer and Hegel

    And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
      Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

    There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
      'Bout the raising of the wrist
    Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

    John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
      On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

    Plato they say, could stick it away
      Half a crate of whiskey every day

    Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
      Hobbes was fond of his dram

    And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
      "I drink, therefore I am"

    Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
      A lovely little thinker
    But a bugger when he's pissed